Planning a winter getaway with your inlaws? Visiting family overseas? Here are some tips for surviving close proximity and other people’s quirks.
Travelling with extended family can be a delightful time full of fun experiences and great memories. It can also be a time of disrupted routine, not enough bathrooms, and too many people with opinions about how things should go.
If you’re planning a getaway with family, it’s important to be realistic about what to expect and what’s possible (and what you might need to let go of). By being honest and setting reasonable boundaries for your nuclear family, you can get along better – and enjoy the time more – with the extended family.
*Money Matters* Consider establishing a kitty that everyone contributes agreed amounts to, which will fund shared expenses like food, water, taxis/transport, etc. But be conscious of family numbers ‒ everyone should contribute proportionately (so if your family has three kids but your brother only has one, you’ll need to contribute more to the kitty). Decide ahead of time what group expenses you will use the kitty for, as it’s probably a good idea to buy your own drinks and treats.
1. Do your research
Know ahead of time what facilities are available where you’re staying. If you’re sharing a house, decide in advance who is getting what bedroom, how meals are going to work, and what space will be shared and what will be private for each family.
2. Make a schedule
You don’t have to stick rigidly to the schedule, but it’s a good idea to agree on things like whether you’ll eat meals together and at what time, when bedtime will be each night, and if little people need naptimes or breaks, schedule those in too. Often kids like to eat supper really early, but grandparents might prefer to eat at 7pm, so set these things out in advance. And if little kids need to be in bed by 7pm but older cousins want to stay up noisily playing games, there will be some conflicts, so talk it out.
3. Make Sure you have some independence
It’s a good idea to have your own vehicle if possible, or access to transportation that doesn’t depend on someone else. That way, if you have to leave someplace early, you’re not inconveniencing someone – or if you need to run to the supermarket or chemist, you don’t have to wait on someone else. Taking a separate car to your destination rather than car- pooling can also help minimise friction. If you’re flying, consider booking your seats in separate areas of the plane and then let the kids swap between aunts/ uncles/grandparents/cousins (as long as it doesn’t annoy the other passengers!) if they get bored.
4. Let everyone have some say
Meal planning, activities, and daily schedule are things every family member should get a say in, not just one or two enthusiastic planners. Have a pre-trip family meeting in person or on videoconference and let everyone give input on how things should work and what to do. This will help children feel more involved in the process and not just dragged along for the ride.
5. Have some family-only time
Take time to do things just as your little nuclear family, even if it’s just spending an afternoon in the park together without the other family members. Having lots of people around can be really overwhelming for little kids and for neurodivergent family members, so give some time to nurturing your nuclear family’s needs. This will also help mitigate squabbles and annoyances which inevitably spring up between people staying together when they aren’t used to each other.
6. Plan down time
Don’t have an activity scheduled for every minute of every day. It’s tempting to want to get the most out of your vacation but everyone will need rest and recovery time, so build this in. Consider having some days where you do nothing but chill!
7. Bring things to do
If there’s a rainy day and you’re stuck inside at your accommodation, having some board games, crafts, or movies and popcorn can be just the novelty the kids (and grownups) need.
8. Have a plan b
What if someone gets sick? What if the activities get rained out? What if someone gets overwhelmed and just wants to cling to their parent the whole time? Discuss with your partner what you could do if things don’t go to plan. For example, you might need to go stay in a motel with a sick child or isolate in one of the bedrooms.
9. be flexible
You won’t be able to keep your home routine perfectly, and if you try to force everyone else to conform to what you want to do, you’ll only cause resentment. It’s okay to compromise on a few things for the sake of family harmony.
10. If you have to go home early, that’s okay
You might realise things aren’t going well, or someone is really driving you up the wall and stepping on your boundaries, or the weather is terrible and you’re all cooped up together and it’s not working. If you need to throw in the towel, forgive yourself. It’s better to admit defeat and go home than to try to suck it up in a terrible situation.
11. Remember last time
If you’re tempted to go on another family holiday, consider what it was like last time you did this, and what you might like to change. Need a bigger holiday house/two houses next door to one another? Grandpa watches cricket on TV all day and doesn’t let the kids play video games? Aunt Beth bosses everyone around and doesn’t help with the cooking? These things can inform better decision-making for the next trip – and help you to have realistic expectations and more fun together
