“You look nice today, Michelle.”
That simple compliment stuck with me. I had just dropped my youngest off at preschool and, for the first time in a while, I actually felt like me again. My hair was freshly washed, I’d put on a bit of lipstick, and I was wearing a dark green pinafore top and skinny jeans that made me feel good. And you know what? That small effort made a big difference to my mood.
It hadn’t taken long—just an extra ten minutes in the morning—but the way I carried myself changed. I checked my lippy in the rearview mirror before heading home, where my only audience for the day would be my laptop and the cat.
It might seem silly to put in that effort when no one’s really looking. But here’s the thing: feeling good isn’t about who is looking—it’s about how you feel.
When Motherhood Takes Over Your Identity
When I became a mum, my whole world shifted. My priorities became my children—making sure they were fed, happy, and thriving. Shopping for myself turned into shopping for them. Dressing up became a thing of the past, because, really, who has time for that?
And somewhere along the way, I lost a little piece of me.
I told myself it wasn’t worth the effort. That comfort was all that mattered. That I wasn’t going anywhere special, so why bother? But what I didn’t realise was that my own self-esteem was quietly slipping away in the process.
Motherhood is demanding. It’s messy. It can make you forget who you are outside of your role as mum. But when we stop taking care of ourselves—even in small ways—it sends a message to our own subconscious that we don’t matter as much anymore. And that’s simply not true.
Confidence Isn’t About Fashion—It’s About Feeling Like You Again
Looking after yourself isn’t about vanity. It’s about recognising that you deserve to feel good, just as much as your kids deserve to be nurtured.
Dressing well doesn’t mean dressing up. It doesn’t mean spending a fortune or following trends. It means making small, intentional choices that remind you that you’re still you.
It’s not about impressing anyone—it’s about showing up for yourself.
Small Changes, Big Difference
If you’ve been feeling a little lost in the juggle of motherhood, here are some simple ways to reconnect with yourself:
1. Reframe Your Mindset
Instead of seeing self-care as “extra effort,” think of it as a gift to yourself. When you put in small efforts—whether it’s wearing a top you love, styling your hair, or even just standing tall—you send yourself a message that you are worth the care.
2. Dress to Lift Your Mood
Clothes impact how we feel. No, you don’t need a wardrobe overhaul, but wearing something that makes you feel good can genuinely improve your confidence. Whether it’s a dress that flatters your figure or just a comfy pair of jeans that make you feel pulled together, the right outfit can change your whole day.
3. The 10-Minute Rule
If you’re short on time (which, let’s be real, all mums are), try this: dedicate just 10 minutes in the morning to yourself. A quick shower, a fresh outfit, a bit of moisturiser or lippy—whatever makes you feel refreshed. You’d be surprised how much this small habit can change how you feel all day.
4. Take Control of Your Body Image
Your body has changed—of course it has. It carried and nurtured life. But instead of focusing on what’s “different” or “not the same,” focus on what you love. Maybe it’s your eyes, your smile, your strong legs that carry you through busy days. Celebrate those things.
If you’re struggling with self-esteem, try writing down three things you like about yourself every day. Even if it feels awkward at first, it helps shift your mindset over time.
5. Wear the Right Underwear
This one might sound strange, but trust me—it makes a difference. Most mums are walking around in ill-fitting bras that don’t give them the support they need. A properly fitted bra can completely change how your clothes fit and how you feel. Lingerie stores offer free fittings—book one.
6. Find a Signature “Feel-Good” Trick
Maybe it’s a spritz of perfume, a great pair of earrings, or a bold lip colour. Find that one small thing that makes you feel put together and make it part of your daily routine.
7. Walk with Confidence
Even if you don’t feel confident, act like you do. Stand tall. Shoulders back. Head high. Look people in the eye and smile. It’s a small change, but posture alone can shift your mindset.
You Deserve to Feel Good
Mums are not just caretakers. We are women with our own needs, desires, and personalities. Taking care of yourself—whether that means a fresh outfit, a little makeup, or simply making time for you—isn’t selfish. It’s essential.
Because when you feel good, you show up as the best version of yourself—for your kids, your family, and, most importantly, for you.
Michelle Vernal is a mum to two young boys and a freelance writer based in Oxford, North Canterbury
