Encouraging children to tell their story, their own way, is an important building block for increasing their resilience, says author Rose Stanley in her new book The Story of You.
For human beings, telling our stories is how we find meaning, make sense of the world and the experiences we have within it. As any parent can attest, children love to hear stories about themselves, and while parents can eventually tire in the telling, their children, in contrast, want to be told over and over again. Stories such as when they were born, funny things they have done, weird personality quirks and eccentricities. Storytelling is the age-old way people have connected and remembered.
LET CHILDREN FEEL THEIR FEELINGS
Just as we do, children experience struggles every day. Some are small, like falling off their bike, and some are more difficult to navigate, like having a fallout with a friend. Challenging experiences can leave children feeling like they are not capable, or strong, or confident. As parents, we can try to protect them from difficult feelings, but if we are to let them experience life in all its technicolour, then feeling their feelings is the way to emotional maturity. And as life has a way of catching us when we least expect it, parents can’t be there for every hard moment. As the saying goes, “S*** happens!”
When that s*** invariably goes down (and we know it will!), children can incrementally develop the ability to reflect on the whole experience, viewing it from many different angles to glean every nugget of gold, even if there’s a lot of mud and silt needing to be washed off before that gold is ultimately discovered. This is where some real magic can happen. Even in grim circumstances, we can teach our children to pull out the tiniest of threads which carry the hint of hope and resilience.
HOW SELF-STORIES HELP
What stories have the potential to do is enable children to place themselves at the center of their own experiences, whether good or bad or in-between; to see themselves as ongoing, growing, and hopeful. They can recognise the truth that not only are they the author of their own story, but they can also begin to see themselves as the main character, too. They get to choose how the story is communicated and retold. And that’s agency.
We know that the main character is the hero, the one who keeps picking themselves up even when they’re feeling anything but heroic. The very best thing about looking at our lives through the story lens is discovering that until the day we breathe our last breath, our story continues. If it looks bleak now, we are entitled to have all our different and at times, difficult, feelings about it. But tomorrow? Who knows! It’s unwritten!
REWRITING OUR STORIES
If our interpretation of our stories has not been hopeful in the past, we can learn to retell them. Recasting our stories can be a wonderful way for children who struggle with their self-esteem to begin to identify their attributes and strengths.
Having worked with children in Auckland schools for many years providing both one-on-one pastoral support and group programs working with children going through difficult times, I have heard many of their stories. Their stories are the inspiration for my fifth children’s book, The Story of You, which communicates to every child that their story is their treasure. It’s what makes them unique. Like a book you can’t stop reading, each child’s story gets more and more interesting as they go along. All the ups and downs, twists and turns work together to shape a wonderful story which is not the same as anyone else’s. The more we keep breathing, keep living, the more our story comes together!
Rose Stanley’s new book The Story of You (Austin Macauley RRP$29.99) is available now. To find out more, visit rosestanley.com
