Help! My kids are weird

Weird kids

Do you have weird kids? Do your kids act like weirdos sometimes? My kids are weird, and I’m worried it’s rubbing off on me. It started with the baby. She’s barely 10 months old, but it’s clear she’s going through some sort of weird phase which includes waking up in the middle of the night and calling out to me in baby language. When I go see what’s happening, she looks at me, smiles, rolls over, and goes back to sleep. What is that all about? Weird.

Then there’s Master Five, who likes to put his underwear on his head and wander around the house singing songs. While fully clothed, mind you. I hand him a stack of clean washing to put away, and he takes out a pair of clean undies, pops them on his head like a hat, and starts the concert. “Underwear don’t go on your head,” I say sternly, but he just laughs and sings louder. He especially likes to do this when I’m on the phone.

And Miss 11, who is really too cool to be weird, does this thing where she perches on the end of my bed like a gargoyle — or like Gollum. Or maybe like a vulture. Whatever it is, it’s weird. She sneaks into my room in the morning before I’m awake, perches there, and waits til I open my eyes and have a minor heart attack — and then she cackles hysterically and runs away.

Just this morning, I was sitting in bed willing myself to get out and find some breakfast when I happened to look out of my open bedroom door. First the dog walked by, then Miss 11 followed — crawling on her hands and knees — and then Master Five brought up the rear, walking on his hands and feet and swinging his head like an elephant. Nobody said anything.

I looked at the baby, sitting in my lap, and she looked at me. “Your siblings are weird,” I told her.

“Gleb,” she agreed, trying to put her dummy in her ear.

Katherine Granich

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