Are you unhappy with the level of busyness within your family? Do you often feel at the mercy of your social calendar? If you feel like you don’t have much choice in what goes on around you, here’s how to regain control and create a more intentional family life.
The Busy Family Scenario
It’s the end of a long week, and your child rushes in waving an invitation to a last-minute sleepover. They’re excited, but the logistics are overwhelming. You know it means late-night drop-offs, early-morning pickups, and a potentially grumpy, overtired child. Suddenly, your quiet Friday evening and relaxing Saturday disappear, and the stress builds.
Sound familiar? We’ve all been there. While it’s tempting to simply go along with the chaos, it’s important to remember that as parents, we have choices. Taking a step back to consider those options can lead to a calmer, happier household.
1. Define Your Family’s Values
Start by identifying what’s most important to your family. Write down your core values and use them as a guide when making decisions. For example:
- Quality time: Dedicate Sunday afternoons to family activities, with no exceptions unless planned in advance.
- Downtime for parents: Establish a rule that weeknights after 8:30 pm are for relaxation.
- Mealtimes matter: Ban phone calls or distractions during dinner.
When children know the family’s values, it creates clear expectations and reduces stress. Frame these values positively: “This is what we value in our family because you’re important to us.”
2. Questions to Ask in the Moment
When faced with an unexpected situation, ask yourself these questions:
- What’s coming up? Are there commitments in the near future that require rest, energy, or focus?
- What’s the potential fallout? Will this disrupt other plans or routines?
- Am I worried about appearances? Are you saying yes to avoid judgment, or is this truly beneficial for your family?
Talking through these questions with your partner or a trusted friend can provide clarity and reveal options you might not have considered.
3. General Rules of Thumb for Intentional Parenting
- No whinging: Establish that moaning won’t influence decisions and praise kids when they manage to avoid it.
- Mutual respect: Make family decisions together with your partner, ensuring no one commits to something without consultation.
- Pause before deciding: Step back, take a deep breath, and give yourself time to think. A cup of tea can work wonders for clarity.
- Brainstorm solutions: Consider win-win options and prepare for any questions or pushback from your child.
- Teach respect for decisions: When negotiation isn’t appropriate, explain that your decision as a parent is final.
Practical Tips for Maintaining Balance
1. Create a Family Calendar
Having a visual representation of everyone’s commitments helps avoid last-minute surprises. Use a shared app or a wall planner to track events, downtime, and priorities.
2. Schedule Downtime
Just as you schedule sports and school activities, block out regular times for rest and relaxation. Protect this time fiercely—it’s essential for your family’s well-being.
3. Teach Kids About Boundaries
Help your children understand the importance of balance by modeling it yourself. Say no when necessary and explain your reasoning. For example:
“This weekend we’re staying home to rest because we have a big week coming up. It’s important to recharge.”
4. Involve Kids in Decisions
Letting kids have a say (within reason) makes them feel valued. For instance, if they’re torn between two activities, help them weigh the pros and cons.
Why Taking Time Matters
Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to make immediate decisions about every request. By giving yourself space to think, you’ll feel more confident in your choices. A calmer, more intentional approach not only benefits you but also creates a more stable, joyful environment for your entire family.
Remember, parenting isn’t about saying yes to everything—it’s about making thoughtful decisions that align with your values. The result? A happier, more harmonious household.
By Rose Stanely
