Do some parenting moments bring up big emotions for you?
Maybe your child refuses to share, and suddenly you feel your chest tightening, and your voice rising. Or perhaps your kid bursts into tears over something small, and you find yourself feeling uneasy or even unsure how to respond. Often, these moments can quietly reflect parts of our own childhood experiences—the ones that taught us how we’re supposed to behave, express emotions, or handle challenges.
Understanding the Influence of Your Inner Child
When we become parents, we don’t start with a blank slate. Our own upbringing—the lessons, patterns, and unspoken rules we learned—often shapes how we respond to our children.
Sometimes, this influence is positive, like when you pass on a cherished family tradition. But other times, it’s more subtle. It might show up as an instinctive reaction or a sense of discomfort when your child behaves differently than you were “allowed” to as a child.
Parenting your inner child isn’t about overanalyzing the past. It’s about being curious and compassionate with yourself. When you notice a strong reaction, ask: Why does this feel so big for me?
For example:
- Frustration over your child’s refusal to share might stem from being taught that sharing was a rigid expectation.
- Unease at your child’s tears might connect to being told as a child to “get over it quickly.”
Recognising these patterns helps you make intentional parenting choices. Instead of reacting on autopilot, you can decide to respond differently, creating a more supportive environment for both your child and yourself.
Healing Through Parenting
Supporting your child’s emotions, struggles, or milestones can also be an opportunity to heal your inner self. For instance:
- Allowing your child to cry without rushing them might remind you it’s okay to feel deeply too.
- Encouraging your child to express their needs might inspire you to advocate for your own.
In these moments, you’re not just parenting your child—you’re nurturing the younger version of yourself who may still need kindness and patience.
Practical Tips for Parenting Your Inner Child
- Pause and Reflect: Notice strong reactions and ask what past experience might be influencing your feelings.
- Name Your Feelings: Label emotions like frustration or sadness to process them without judgment.
- Reframe the Moment: Ask how you wish an adult had responded to you in a similar situation. Use this to guide your response to your child.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way—parenting is a learning process.
- Engage in Self-Care: Recharge with small acts of joy and peace, like journaling, talking to a friend, or enjoying a quiet moment.
- Model Healthy Emotions: Show your child how to manage big feelings by saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m taking a deep breath.”
- Celebrate Growth: Acknowledge when you handle a challenging moment differently than you might have in the past.
Parenting isn’t just about raising kids—it’s about growing yourself. The challenges your child presents offer opportunities to not only guide them but also extend compassion to the younger version of you.
By being present, self-aware, and open to change, you can create a parenting experience that nurtures both your child and your inner self.