Don’t expect to be a perfect mother – instead learn how to manage your motherly expectations.
The Reality of Motherhood
Being a mother is a tricky job. Just when you think you’ve figured out how to handle a stage in your child’s development, they change the rules on you. Managing your expectations is key to navigating motherhood without losing your sanity.
No, who are we kidding? Not intact. That’s the first expectation to manage: your children will drive you crazy. Crazy with worry, frustration, and, sometimes, even laughter. It’s their mission in life.
Pregnancy Expectations
“Congratulations, you’re pregnant!” Suddenly your body feels like public property, and everyone has advice or questions about due dates and baby names.
First Trimester:
- You’ll feel exhausted. Falling asleep at your desk or skipping dinner to crawl into bed might become the norm.
- You’ll obsess over what’s safe to eat or which activities you can still do.
Second Trimester:
- A burst of energy might tempt you to tackle the baby’s room. Make the most of this time to prepare.
Third Trimester:
- Slow down. Fatigue, overheating, and swelling will take their toll. Your glowing looks from earlier might fade, but remember, you’re nearing the finish line.
Newborn Phase
Expect to do nothing but care for your baby. Literally. Showers, meals, and sleep may feel like luxuries. Forget the unvacuumed carpet or laundry basket—your priority is survival.
If bonding with your baby doesn’t happen immediately, know it’s normal. Bonding takes time. And don’t feel guilty about handing over your baby for a break; it’s a sign you’re human, not a bad mum.
Things will get better. The first three months feel endless, but looking back, you’ll be amazed at how quickly they pass.
Toddler Chaos
Toddlers will:
- Throw temper tantrums.
- Ignore you.
- Outrun you.
- Test your patience daily.
Expect to bribe them occasionally, even if it goes against your principles. Parenting is about survival.
Preschooler Independence
Preschoolers can dress themselves, though their outfits may look more creative than practical. Expect them to argue their case for everything, from wearing shorts in winter to bringing stuffed animals everywhere.
If they start daycare or kindy, expect mixed feelings: relief for some me-time and sadness for missing small moments of their day.
Primary School Years
When school begins, expect:
- Behaviour you disapprove of.
- Friends you wish didn’t exist.
- Goodbye kisses becoming a source of embarrassment overnight.
You’ll experience “empty nest” syndrome during school hours but find there’s never enough time in the evening for homework, activities, and family time.
Tweens and Teens
You can confidently expect:
- Confusion, tears, accusations, and silences.
- To be wrong in their eyes, always.
- To not know their friends or their plans.
- To become a cash cow, cook, and cab driver.
Most importantly, expect to love them fiercely, pimples and all.
The Golden Rule
Whenever motherhood feels overwhelming, take a deep breath, grab a coffee, and repeat: “This too shall pass.” And it will—before you know it.
By Yvonne Eve Walus
PUBLISHED WITH THE PERMISSION OF PREGNANCY BUMP&BABY, AOTEAROA’S ONLY DEDICATED PREGNANCY AND NEW BABY MAGAZINE. PUBLISHED TWICE PER YEAR WITH VALUABLE INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR GROWING BUMP, ALONG WITH PREGNANCY PACKS AVAILABLE WITH FULL SIZED PRODUCTS, SAMPLES AND VOUCHERS. ALL CURRENT AND BACK ISSUES ALSO AVAILABLE AS A DIGITAL COPY.
