It seems that imaginary friends have not only comfort benefits for children, but creativity and language benefits as well. What should we do about this imaginary friend?
What Are Imaginary Friends?
Imaginary friends are a psychological phenomenon where a child creates a companion in their imagination rather than physical reality. These friends often appear around age 2.5–3, coinciding with the start of complex fantasy play.
Dr. Lawrence Kutner, a Clinical Psychologist and author, explains, “Imaginary companions are an integral part of many children’s lives. They provide comfort in times of stress, companionship when they’re lonely, and even someone to blame when the cookie jar is empty!”
Why Do Children Create Imaginary Friends?
Imaginary friends serve various roles depending on the child’s needs:
- Comfort and Companionship: During stressful transitions, such as starting daycare, imaginary friends can offer a sense of security.
- Exploration of Social Skills: By interacting with their imaginary companions, children practice conversations, storytelling, and problem-solving.
- Self-Expression: These friends can act as a safe outlet for emotions, especially during challenging times like a new sibling’s arrival or family changes.
For example, one 3-year-old created a troupe of invisible animals to cope with starting at a new childcare centre. As he became more comfortable and made friends, his imaginary playmates quietly disappeared.
What If Things Go Wrong?
While imaginary friends are typically a positive influence, there are cases where they may cause concern. Here’s what to do if your child’s imaginary companion seems to have a negative impact:
- Set Boundaries: If the imaginary friend is encouraging bad behaviour (e.g., “Albie told me to break the rules”), gently explain to your child that they are responsible for their actions, not their friend. Use this as an opportunity to reinforce positive behaviours.
- Monitor Their Role: Pay attention to how the imaginary friend is used. Are they a source of comfort or a scapegoat? If the latter, help your child express their feelings directly rather than through the friend.
- Encourage Real-Life Interaction: If your child seems overly reliant on their imaginary friend or avoids real-life friendships, gently encourage them to engage with peers or join group activities.
- Watch for Warning Signs: While rare, if the imaginary friend causes distress, disrupts daily routines, or becomes persistent into later childhood, it may be time to consult a paediatrician or child psychologist.
- Foster Open Communication: Talk to your child about their imaginary friend without judgment. This helps you understand what the friend represents and provides insights into your child’s feelings and needs.
The Positive Role of Imaginary Friends
Research indicates that imaginary friends can have developmental benefits, particularly in language and creativity.
Dr. Elaine Reese, Associate Professor at Otago University, notes, “Children’s storytelling skills, a strong predictor of later reading success, are often enhanced by interactions with imaginary companions.”
A study involving 48 children found that those who engaged in imaginary play had more advanced narrative and language skills than their peers who didn’t. This skill boost could even positively impact academic performance later on.
Should Parents Be Concerned?
While some experts like Dr. Benjamin Spock once viewed imaginary friends as a sign of something “lacking” in a child’s environment, modern research largely disputes this notion. Imaginary friends are now seen as a normal and often beneficial part of development.
However, if your child’s imaginary play continues into later childhood or seems to interfere with real-life interactions, it may be worth discussing with a professional.
Encouraging Imaginary Play
If your child has an imaginary friend, embrace it! Here’s how to encourage this imaginative phase:
- Set a place for their friend at the dinner table.
- Include them in car rides and conversations.
- Ask questions about their friend to spark your child’s storytelling.
This phase is usually short-lived but can leave a lasting positive impact on your child’s creativity and confidence.
Sarah, whose childhood imaginary friend Albie stayed by her side for four years, fondly recalls their adventures together. “It didn’t do me any harm,” she says. Now a parent herself, Sarah encourages imaginary play in her children, knowing the value it brought to her life.
Imaginary friends are more than make-believe companions—they’re a tool for growth, helping children navigate their emotions, build creativity, and develop critical social and language skills. So, the next time your child introduces you to their invisible friend, pull up a chair and join the fun.
Debra Casey is a freelance journalist, writer and promotions manager for a photography studio in the Waikato, and has one daughter and two step-daughters.-
