Childhood fears, like monsters in the wardrobe or being scared of the dark, are common enough, but what do we do when anxiety begins to overwhelm and affect our children’s daily lives? Fortunately, there are strategies and tools you can use to help your child navigate their fears and anxieties.
What is Anxiety?
Anxiety can be described as a fear of something that might happen in the future. Even if these fears are unfounded, they feel very real to a child experiencing them. The key to helping a child overcome anxiety is to support them in recognising and rationalising these fears.
Anxiety and fear typically involve three types of reactions:
- Physical Reactions: Trembling, avoidance, or fleeing the situation.
- Mental Reactions: Thoughts of danger, distress, or terror.
- Physiological Reactions: Sweating, heavy breathing, or heart palpitations in severe cases.
Most children experience some level of anxiety, but for most, these feelings are temporary and mild. Only around 8% of children develop anxiety disorders. Many fears—like being afraid of the dark or monsters under the bed—are often outgrown. However, if your child holds on to a specific fear for a prolonged period, or if their reactions become more severe, it’s time to consider professional help.
When to Seek Help
If your child’s anxiety is persistent, pervasive, or impacts their daily life (like difficulty attending school or avoiding activities they previously enjoyed), it’s essential to seek help. Professionals, such as counsellors or psychologists, can work with your child to develop effective strategies.
How You Can Help
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Children need to feel heard. Instead of saying, “Don’t worry about it,” try validating their feelings with phrases like, “I understand that this is really scary for you.” Helping them name their fear is an important first step toward reducing its power.
2. Rate the Fear
Encourage your child to rank their fear on a scale from 1 to 10. For younger kids, use fun imagery like, “Is your fear as big as a mountain or as small as an ant?” This exercise can help them gain perspective and realise that their fear may not be as overwhelming as it initially feels.
3. Teach Coping Mechanisms
Equip your child with tools to manage their anxiety:
- Positive Self-Talk: Teach them to say, “I will be okay,” or “I can handle this.”
- Breathing Exercises: Slow, deep breaths can calm their nervous system.
- Visualisation: Encourage them to imagine a safe and happy place, like playing at the beach or cuddling at home.
4. Model Calm Behaviour
Children learn by watching. If they see you taking a deep breath and remaining calm in stressful situations, they’re more likely to adopt those behaviours. Conversely, if they see you panicking, they may mirror that response.
5. Use Humour
Laughter can be a powerful tool for diffusing anxiety. Help your child find the humour in a situation or laugh together about something unrelated. A giggle can go a long way in easing tension.
6. Encourage Gradual Exposure
If your child is anxious about specific situations (like speaking in front of the class), help them practice in small, manageable steps. For example, they could first practice reading aloud at home, then in front of a sibling, and finally in front of a friend.
7. Create a Toolbox
Build a “calm-down toolbox” with your child. It could include items like:
- A stress ball or fidget toy.
- A favourite book.
- A small notebook for drawing or journaling.
- A bottle of bubbles to practice deep breathing.
8. Maintain Routine
Predictability can reduce anxiety. Try to stick to a consistent daily schedule, especially for meals, bedtime, and school.
Activities to Reduce Anxiety
Engaging your child in activities that encourage relaxation and focus can also help.
- Yoga or Stretching: Simple poses can calm the mind and body.
- Arts and Crafts: Painting, colouring, or sculpting can provide a creative outlet.
- Outdoor Play: Running, biking, or exploring nature can reduce stress levels.
It’s important to remember that anxiety is a common and natural emotion, but it shouldn’t dominate your child’s life. By teaching them tools to manage their fears and modelling calm behaviour, you can empower them to face challenges confidently.
If their anxiety persists or feels unmanageable, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. There’s no shame in asking for help—and it can make a world of difference for your child and your family.
By Mike Martin
